Bird bird bird

Wow. I ended up way less busy than I thought I'd be. Sad. I did end up making a doll, though. :D I hope it goes along with the one Rhiannon made.




He's for Coco. I'm gonna give it to her tomorrow along with the one Rhiannon made, hopefully. :3 I'm real excited, he turned out WAY CUTE! He was SUPPOSED to be a finch of some sort. But he ended up looking somewhat like this Jenny Wren:



Awh well. I hope she'll like him. :3
.....
.
..
...
....
I'm going to go do something else now. Byee. :'D

Har de harr harr.

Haha. I made a mix-tape. Hah. Thanks Atti >^>~

Hell, I don't particularly have anything to say.
Today I had the busiest day EVER. -- CAN YOU SENSE THE SARCASM? I can, and it's really delicious.
I'm currently at 203/1000 Pokemon. Only 797 Pokemon to go...Sigh. I don't even know why I made it a goal to get mew, but, whatever. Time waster I guess.

This is what I'll be up to the next couple days:

Tonight-
Clean my room. It looks horrible, ugh...It'll take forever...

Tomorrow-
Make dolls with Rhiannon/plan

Saturday-
Have Dustin over? Something? Furret doll? Something.

Sunday-
Go with Rhiannon and her Family to the Softlife and Anne Bonny anniversary thing.

Ohohoho I'm such a busy bee.
Love it, love it, love it.
HEY Maybe Saturday I'll make a furret doll...mm, that sounds good.
No, not really...I'm actually boring. I'll probably be posting more doll photos soon seeing as I'll be making some more tomorrow and Saturday...
Otherwise...
Who knows?

I'm off to chew on a fish. ;D

Try to ignore how dorky this is

No, really, ignore it. I needed a place to store this. This is a character sheet for my Pokemon Persona type character for roleplaying and drawing and overall dorkiness that comes along with being involved in Pokemon for 2/3 of my life. Hah. As a note, there are quite a few parallels to Joyce's life and mine. I always try to make my characters realistic. And holy crap, I realize I give this stuff WAYYYYY too much thought...but, blah, blah, blah, either way here it is for my enjoyment. :D



Name. Joyce Cinna
Age. 19
Gender. Female
Trainer Type. Contest, battle, artist.
Favorite Type. Ghost, electric, cute, quirky pokemon.
Aspirations. Become a gym leader and contester like Wallace of Hoenn. Catch and train all her favourite Pokemon. Meet and/or befriend Ho-Oh, Mew, Suicune and Shaymin.
Personality. Joyce is a very flashy and stylish person. She always aims to be visually appealing, whether it be in her clothing, or in her colour coordinated Pokémon teams. With this, she may also be described as being sensitive to art, beauty, or cuteness. Generally she tends to be friendly, social, patient, cutesy and courteous; making her a pleasant person to people she likes. There are many downsides, however; also tends to be paranoid, nervous, emotional, impulsive, opinionated and nonconforming to others ideas if she thought of one first.
Description. Pasty white skin, light pink blushing cheeks and nose. Her face is heart-shaped with huge blue eyes with long eyelashes. Hair is an ash blond, bangs straight-cut just along the bottom edge of her eyebrows, with two chin-length, pointed strips of hair on each side of her face, and the back is fluffy short- mostly straight. Pear-shaped body- not thin, not fat - wide hips, and squishy huggable. Small to medium breasts. 5'3", 135 pounds. The normal outfit for her is an eleven foot long dark grey-pink and black striped scarf that covers her neck completely, with a Pikachu Lolita headband, and a peach and white pinstripe Lolita dress. The top half is sleeveless, button up, form fitting, and has off-white lace on either side of the buttons and on every rim of it. She wears a tie under the collar, as well: it is grey and has a poke ball patch stitched to the mid-lower portion of it. Her skirt has three layers: the top layer is the same colour as the dress (peach and white pinstripe), that splits out like flower petals from the shirt, huge ribbons where the parts of the skirt splits, and ruffles along the edges. The layers underneath are petticoat-like, and lighter in colour with no pinstripes. She wears light pinkgrey and black tights and black meowth mary-janes with this. Her backpack is always a large flaaffy doll backpack with three poke balls on each strap so they are accessible to her at any time. Also wears glasses.
History. Joyce grew up in the old, traditional and spiritual town of Ecruteak in the Johto region. Her mother was never really into Pokémon, and her father was a busy man, always at work in the Goldenrod City Radio Tower. However, she and her younger brother often went on adventures, taking them far away from their home - to the fields west of Ecruteak, North to the Brass and Tin towers, East to the mountains, South to the National Park and Goldenrod City, often re-enacting tales of the Legendary Pokémon, and famous Pokémon Masters of the Johto region. When she reached age ten, however, she lost interest in spending time with her brother, and they became rivals. Friendly rivals, but rivals nonetheless. Joyce had always been passionate about Pokémon, and their beauty, thanks to a pet Ninetales named Hestia (who disappeared without a trace...whole nother story). She often got dangerously close to wild Pokemon and drew them, almost obsessively, filling hundreds of sketchbooks in just a year. She also liked to visit the little-known daycare to the west of Ecruteak, and sketch the Pokemon there with their happy trainers. She eventually began to work there, and in return for her hard work, the old couple gave her an egg which contained a mareep. Joyce babied this mareep to the point of it never being able to leave her side- they were attached at the hip, two peas in a pod, always together, always there for each other. Sophie the mareep inspired Joyce to delve deeper into the world of Pokemon. She spent around a year training and testing limits, and capturing new Pokemon, though she never used the others as much. The day mareep evolved, Joyce spontaneously decided she and flaaffy would go on a great adventure. So, the next chance she got (age fourteen), she obtained a Pokedex, and began to travel with Sophie. Since then, she's traveled across Johto, Sinnoh and Kanto with her friend Estelle, collecting badges, and slowly falling in love with the artistic battling styles and contest atmosphere of Super Contests.


POKEMON


Species: Flaaffy
Name: Sophie
Gender: Female
Level est.: 58
Ball: A light-blue poke ball. Has the appearance of crystal like the orb on Flaaffy’s tail.
Nature: Docile (-)
Characteristic: Highly curious (SP attack)
Ability: Static
Contest: Cute, beautiful
Held item: Bright powder (covers body)
Attacks: Power gem – Rock, Special, 70, 100%, Beauty ***
Discharge – Electric, Special, 80, 100%, Cool **
Charge – Electric, Special, doubles electric attacks, Smart, earn double score next turn
Cotton Spore – Grass, Special, lowers accuracy, 85%, Beauty **, first next turn
Physical: Her colours are somewhat more powdery than normal. Pale pink, pale blue. Eyes are also blue.
History: Received as a mystery egg from the old couple’s farm Joyce worked for. Babied and pampered, her very first Pokémon. Lvl 1.

Species: Pikachu
Name: Olive
Gender: Female
Level est.: 47
Ball: A basic poke ball
Nature: Hasty (Speed)
Characteristic: Capable of taking hits (Defense)
Ability: Static
Contest: Cool
Held item: Shell Bell (in a bow near the end of her tail)
Attacks: Volt Tackle – Electric, Physical, 120, 100%, Cool **, +3 if max voltage
Surf – Water, Special, 95, 100%, Beauty **, +2 if first
Double Team – Normal, Special, Cool **, perform first next turn
Thunderbolt – Electric, Special, 95, 100%, Cool **, +2 if first
Physical: The tips of her ears are a tad ragged looking. Blue eyes.
History: Received in Ecruteak during rolling blackouts. She seemed to be the cause. Lvl 6.

Species: Furret
Name: Cecil
Gender: Female
Level est.: 50
Ball: Park ball
Nature: Jolly (Speed)
Characteristic: Often scatters things (HP)
Ability: Run Away
Contest: Cute
Held item: Pink Scarf (tied as a ribbon around her neck)
Attacks: Defense Curl – Normal, Physical, Cute **, Prevents voltage increase
Rollout – Rock, Physical, 30, 90%, Tough **, Can use twice in a row
Shadow Claw – Ghost, Physical, Cute **, +2 if first
Attract – Normal, Special, Cute **, Prevents voltage from going down
Physical: She is a shiny furret.
History: Caught at the National Park during a catching contest. Lvl 11.

Species: Abra
Name: Claire
Gender: Female
Level est.: 46
Ball: Heal ball
Nature: Quiet (Special Attack)
Characteristic: Alert to sounds (Speed)
Ability: Inner Focus
Contest: Smart
Held item: Odd Incense (sleeps with it, effects last and she constantly smells of it)
Attacks: Grass Knot – Grass, Special, 20-120, 100%, Smart **, +2 if voltage goes up
Psychic– Psychic, Special, 90, 100%, Smart **, +2 if first
Protect – Normal, Special, Cute, raises score if voltage is low
Shadow Ball – Ghost, Special, 80, 100%, Smart **, +2 if first
Physical: Slightly lighter coloured than normal. Not as golden-yellow and more of a pale yellow.
History: Caught after weeks of searching. Sick in Ilex forest. Lvl 4.

Species: Weavile
Name: Pascale
Gender: Male
Level est.: 53
Ball: Love ball
Nature: Naughty (Attack)
Characteristic: Somewhat of a clown (Speed)
Ability: Pressure
Contest: Beauty
Held item: Tiara (White king’s rock)
Attacks: Ice Punch – Ice, Physical, 75, 100%, Beauty **, +2 if first
Night Slash – Dark, Physical, 70, 100%, Beauty ***, +2 if first
Swords Dance – Normal, Physical, Beauty *, Double next turn
X-Scissor – Bug, Physical, 80, 100%, Beauty
Physical: He is shiny.
History: Received in a trade. Lvl 20.

Species: Dragonite
Name: Aidan
Gender: Male
Level est.: 64
Ball: A cherish ball.
Nature: Gentle (Special Defense)
Characteristic: Likes to thrash about (Attack)
Ability: Inner Focus
Contest: Cool
Held item: Scarf (Muscle band stitched in)
Attacks: Outrage – Dragon, Physical, 120, 100%, Cool **, Can be used twice in a row
Aqua Tail– Water, Physical, 90, 90%, Cute ***
Fire Punch – Fire, 75, 100%, Physical, Beauty **, +2 if first
Aerial Ace– Electric, Physical, 60, Cool **, +2 if first
Physical: Larger than normal. Green eyes.
History: Given for outstanding performance in the Blackthorne City Gym. Lvl 27.

Other Pokémon (Caught OR raised before, during or after her adventures)
*This does not dictate whether she fully raised them or not OR used them right after they were caught or given to her. It’s a general rule she didn’t truly spend that much time raising her Pokémon aside from in-between-adventure, gyms and contests since she focused on her main team. Some were given to her already trained. She trained or raised them them alongside her main team, but were never used in major battles, and thus, most are a lot less experienced than her main Pokémon.
Ninetales (Foxy), Drifblim (Drifter), Persian (Baron), Bulbasaur (Addy), Banette (Devnett), Froslass (Sugar), Chatot (Melody), Teddiursa (Dear), Feraligatr (Chain Chomp), Typhlosion (Zephyr), Houndoom (Thanatos), Raichu (Chiyo), Pachirisu (Miffy), Luxray (Voltaire), Flygon (Mei), Kingdra (Miyuki), Honchkrow (Vyers), Venomoth (Willow), Nidorina (Fern), Cubone (Lynn), Aerodactyl (Ryota), Umbreon (Nyx), Jolteon (Naia), Flareon (Viola), Leafeon (Thistle), Espeon (Ruri), Vaporeon (Nina), Glaceon (Mana), Charizard (Dane), Arcanine (Crow), Noctowl (Prinny), Pidgeot (Vincent), Gengar (Devi), Carnivine (Trap), Wartortle (Di), Quagsire (Osaka), Piplup (Pippy), Swampert (Zeke), Slowpoke (Pinky), Drowzee (Zi), Buneary (Bani), Clefairy (Rose), Roselia (Fjorleaf), Altaria (Ribbon), Cacturne (Harley), Mightyena (Pretend), Illumise (Snickerdoodle), Spinarak (Spook), Sandshrew (Duke), Lucario (Milfred), Croagunk (Salad)

Not-so-new aspirations.

I am going to make birds.
Many little birds.
Birds for you, birds for you, and you and you and Coco and Rhiannon.
And me.
Lots of birds.
Starting now.





So darling!

I'm just messing around with the shape and size. They're not so good yet, but I figured out a good way to do the wings! I want to make the birds a little fatter and cuter looking next time. Less, uh, stitchy, maybe, too... But it was intentional this time, so stop looking at me like that. I like that look. ;_;



Excuse the horrible image quality. Taken at night with horrible indoor lighting, bleh! Nasty.

Awh well Rhiannon and I will figure it out.

Oh yeah and as if you didn't notice: NEW LAYOUT. This one's here to stay, its way too cute. I adore it. Though I didn't know what to do with the title. Ho hum...
I also wanted to bring back the playlist, but, projectplaylist is being a jackass and WILL NOT let me log into their site nor will they send me the 'lost password' email despite me asking for it ten times, and waiting for hours, and looking in both junk and normal email?! It's not really that big of a deal, but I wanted to look through...

I still want to make a shiny furret doll with that amazing hot pink fluffy fabric Kelsey and I found. Ahh, glory.

________________________

I'm also mew hunting. If anyone has pokemon DP and wants to come over and help me temporarily, please do. I only have 203 pokemon in there so far and I need 999.
Rawer.

I'm Jordy the ferret I am

Jordy the ferret I am I am. :]

yeahhh.
I made a Cinnamon ferret doll today.
Yes, yes, it sadly took me like...three hours, or so.
Only pricked myself once I did.




She's a little lopsided and I know you can see the stitches, that was the point, though I'm wishing now that I had used the darker coloured thread on her arms like I did on her legs. Awh well, she's only like my... sixth attempt ever at making a doll and I must say, she is a lot nicer looking than the ones I've done before.

So now, pictures I drew on Tegaki E since Muse seduced me into joining. She did, really, it had nothing to do with my free will. Yeah. Anyway. These are like, 1/3 the size of the normal ones, so they don't look so great since I used a lot of thin lines and crosshatching-type-things. If you want to see the full size just click on them.




A drawing of Dustin and I on a flower.



Sun + cloud = children?

Atmospheric disturbances

Haha, I got My Pokemon Ranch today.
Haha. HAHAHAA. It's...too cute.
I really wish they'd allow you to free roam or walk your character around instead
like...right from the beginning, but oh well, I'll have fun attempting to unlock bigger and better things.

MY POKEMON ARE SO CUTE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Look now.

Excuse the blurryness of the ones on the bottom, and the white blur on all of them...Too light out, and its hard to take photos of a TV screen anyway. But oh well. SO CUTE! I suggest this game to people who are obsessive and love to collect cute pokemon (or whatever, don't have to be cute I guess) and stare at them.
I mean heck. It's pretty alright. I got dragged into the air by my drifblim. My flaaffy thunderbolted my poor, poor abra. It's good fun if you like to sit and watch.

Yes, yes...

Anyway, I've also been playing spore more and more since I got the full version. The character creator, I mean. Just take a looksee.





My first babyyy. Has all my favourite traits in an animal. :D



Some sort of rammy yak thing. I'd ride it. :[



Owl flower.



Bat moth.



DRAGONITE! :D

Yeahh. I'm real creative. I love these guys though.


People need to come over and make monsters with meee...

A wee bit of the downs

As in, down syndrome?
Awh well anyway.

So I have officially seen all of my most favourite people in the whole world in this past week. I saw
Samantha
Maegyn
Dustin
Kelsey
Rhiannon
Tierra
Atti.

Gosh those people are so good.
My philosophical buddy,
my Sweeney buddy,
my cute gay boyfriend,
my twin,
my forever best friend,
my most recent friend
and the person I adore most. :D

Heckyes. I'm so full of lovely feelings, and I'm in an extremely beautiful mood. I'm sad I couldn't have seen Atti for more than thirty minutes, and having left him in the middle of everything with his little sandals on, but... Lah, I'll make up for it.


Artistic moods. Yes.
I want to make...

Outfits.
Drawings.
Paintings.
Felt creatures.
Dolls.
Photo journal.
Sketch journal.

So many thiiinggs, its going to be a good summer.
Busy...but good.

Hmm... I feel the need to say this.

I want to get a laptop and a polaroid camera, CDs/records, an electric piano keyboard thing, and some new trendy clothes. :x

(Oh I also need a new cellphone seeing as mine won't charge and has been dropped in coffee multiple times, though I don't see how, seeing as I don't even drink coffee. Though, I don't want that to be part of my little needs list since I really do just need it to go places. An unreliable cellphone is not so good.)

Because I feel...I don't know. Maybe I'm going through a phase of...something. Tell me what kind of phase this is, needing to do artistic things and wanting those specific items? Is it a teenager thing? I hope not. D:
OH MY GOSH Dustin and Atti and Bunny and I should all go clothes shopping. That would be good.

Excuse this for being yet another really boring post, but I'm so absorbed in myself and my friends right now that I don't really care. :3

I also drew a picture.

I dunno, it was cuter when it was just lineart or when the birds were just coloured and nothing else, but still. I think they're cute. Little cherry pit birds. :x

And I made a doll.



He's a grey scottish fold kitty. In a dress. He's kinda floppy and kindof just a way of getting back into making dolls, but I love him anyway. :3

And Tierra claimed my chest.



What more could I ask for? :D

Moo, moo, moo

Mweee. I just got back from an SCA event with my family. It was much more enjoyable than usual... I must say. Despite my hurt hand, I'm feeling pretty FINE! I made a list of summer things I need to do and lalala...I'm considering changing my persona to an Icelandic or something like that... I'm not sure. I'm going to be researching it though, I want to be a merchant and sell dolls. I've been meaning to do that for a while.

Anyway, that's not that important. I'm looking up different kinds of animals from the subfamily "caprinae" and other relatives to try and find the adorable animals I pass every day on the way to school. I shall make a list here, because I've found some pretty cute animals.

Takin (Budorcas taxicolor)



Musk Ox (Ovibos moschatus)




Japanese Serow (Capricornis crispus)



Himalayan Goral (Naemorhedus goral)



Yak (Bos grunniens/Poephagus grunniens)



Sitatunga (Tragelaphus spekii)



Nyala (Tragelaphus angasii)
Male top, female bottom.



Bongo (Tragelaphus eurycerus eurycerus)




Klipspringer (Oreotragus oreotragus)




Blah, I can't find it... Upsetting. Though, it looks very similar to that photo of the yak...With a bigger head, shorter horns and much softer looking fur, like the musk ox. I'm not sure, maybe it's just a young yak? I'm wondering why people have yaks and musk oxen here. I have no idea. I really wanna know what they are, though, because they're BEYOND cute! I'll try sketching it tomorrow before school lets out...

Anyway. YEAH OMGGG BRENNY JUST SHOWED ME THIS GAME CALLED SPORE: I'm trying the trial right now. It's. SOO. CUTE. I just tried making a monster, check him out!



Here are my second tries:

WAH SO CUTE!! I like making two legged creatures. I'll mess with it more when it comes out, I'm pretty excited! But look, I made my demon character, Ploo! The pink one on the right, there. Isn't she the cutest thing? I'll probably be able to make something closer to her when the real game comes out.

Rough ideas

**NOTE:
This is autobiographical/reflective essay rough draft for my english class. I'm typing it on here because I mention people, and also because I do not have word. It's being edited over and over and over again so don't take it too seriously until I take down this portion of the message, because IT IS NOT FINISHED. It is so gushy, and I really hate that I had to relate it to books, but its what I had to do...


Different is wrong. Different is bad. People with a different taste in music than you, people who prefer art to football. These sorts of people are people who you should avoid. Make them feel as bad as you can, or pay no attention to them at all. Beat them until they conform to what everybody else decides is important...The things people pick up. There are so many people in the world today that you would think they would realize the fact that there will be variations in personality and interests, but no, of course they do not. Sure, it is natural to be weirded out because of what is different. I myself have caught my mind from time to time being weary of people who are unlike myself, but I always try my hardest to give everybody a fair chance. Most kids nowadays, however, are taught to be afraid of, or angry at differences. To push away everything that stomps about in a fashion not familiar to them. Even from the get go, I was considered the weird kid. People decided I was too odd to be given normal attention. I was never picked, but always picked on. It was pretty normal for me from first to eighth to cry myself to sleep thanks to loneliness. I tried not to let it bother me, but at times, it did anyway. Nobody can live alone. But it was worth it in the end. It's nearly a taboo to be strange, and that is my life in a nutshell. I am no tortured soul, but I have felt this way for most of my life, and it has given me a perspective on the world that I am uniquely proud of. A view on people, society, its functions and an ability to make my own decisions... And all because I have been isolated and alone more than half of my life.

There is always this time I choose to look back on, and I smile. I was always the artsy kid. I was undoubtedly proud of this from even the tender age of five. I remember a time in second grade, I was sitting in class and everyone was colouring a picture of a dinosaur. We all had the long necked ones that were found out to not even have existed, but were really just a mis-match between two different kinds of dinosaur. Brontosaurus. We used the old broken crayolas with the paper peeled off and the tip completely rounded, barely usable. I noticed the dinosaur had no markings, it had only two legs, and was boring. Flat. So, being a creative thing, I drew on the missing legs (because honestly, from that perspective, the dinosaur would have shown four), and I drew spots on it like scales. It was fabulous. The boy next to me turned towards me, and took a nice long look at my piece. He scowled in a most disgusted fashion- I swear. Apparently it was not as great as I thought. He said to me, "why do you ALWAYS have to do that? Why do you draw what's not supposed to be there?", as if what I had done was an abomination. This was somewhat offensive to my seven year old self. I took one look at his brontosaurus: coloured all green, out of the lines, typical and boring. I realized he had no idea what he was talking about anyway, and decided he was not really worth my anger. I was too proud of my brontosaurus. However, it has been proven throughout my life that an artistic spark is something that people do not always appreciate. I guess to fit in, its unneeded and unwanted. I was weird and disliked for my creativity.

My personality was something to behold. For a kid, I was pretty mature. I was a tad flamboyant, an oddball. I got used to being alone, mostly because I was shy as well. The shyness was probably due to the fact that I was always really afraid of how I acted, but its not like I could ever hide myself. The way I projected myself threw people off most of the time, it seemed. They never knew how to interpret me. So whenever I tried to engage in a social activity, it was disappointing when nobody responded to my attempts. I was not ever interested in sports and NEVER in dolls or anything typical or respectable. I was probably one of the least typical little girls you could meet, so it was hard to start a conversation. Because of this, people often left me alone to fester in the corner of the room. I was the kid who sat on the swings by herself until another kid kicked them off. The kid who looked to the ground and shuffled her feet. I probably talked more to myself than others. This was my elementary school career. Even when middle school rolled around, it was not much better. In fact, probably because of hormones, my life got even rougher. That is the time in your life when you are beginning to be more social than you ever had, and it can be pretty cutthroat if you are not good at it. But because of my lonely elementary school experience, I went into the middle school entirely pessimistic. I did not spend lunch with the other kids, instead, I sat in the library or I helped the librarians put away books. I always hoped someone would come and talk to me but it never happened. My mom always urged me to go sit in the cafeteria and eat lunch. She smiled. She was highly optimistic, convinced that anybody will give me a chance if I myself approach them. She told me to just go up to someone and start talking. Yeah, like that would work... I did not believe it, but my mother's and father's encouragement helped me thrive every day. Even though I was doubtful, I tried it. A couple times. But alas, every time I tried, I ended up with smashed fingers or a bubble of nobody around me. Hell, I even remember being called a satanic lesbian. Even in my attempts to be social, I was weird and disliked for my awkward personality.

As if I were not already horrible enough in the eyes of my peers,my appearance was like icing on the cake. She thinks for herself, she is an artist, she is socially inept and a weirdo. Oh, also, she is really ugly and fat. People are horribly judgmental. They always find something wrong in everything. There was nothing wrong with how I looked. I was a really typical little girl, when it came to my looks. I used to wear normal clothes- teeshirts and jeans and tennis shoes. I had shoulder length sandy blond hair, blue eyes and a cute smile. There was nothing wrong with me, and yet, I was convinced I was ugly thanks to my peers. This was always the thing that really broke me and made me upset, the thing that made me tear up when I got home every day. There is one time in particular. I was at an all time low in how I viewed myself. I was rubbish... even in my own eyes. My sixth grade class... I remember during one of the last days of school, this boy I really adored came up to me. We were talking, I do not even remember what about. He laughed and told me, "You know you're like the ugliest, fattest girl in class right?" I smiled and laughed with him, I told him, "Hah, yeah, I know", because I was told this often. I guess you begin to believe things if you are told them enough. Defending myself was not something that I was able to do since I agreed with what everybody said. Comments like these occurred so often and they only got worse. In seventh grade, I had cut my hair super short for the first time. People cannot help but make dumb comments, it seems, but as I walked past this group of girls in my art class, they whispered loudly: "boy, I HATE girls who have short hair! They're so stupid!" Even in a class that I called home? You had to be kidding me. It never seemed to end. I was weird and disliked for my imperfect physique.

My isolation as a young kid made me view the world in a very pessimistic way, yet, it was also useful. It made me never follow a crowd to fit in. It made me the black sheep, and I was proud, as little confidence I had in it around people. I was able to make mature decisions. I had opinions formed by my own brain, and not just ones about which bands I liked and which ones I did not. I was someone who was ready to grow up and learn about the world and make my life even better than it had ever been, all by myself, completely independent and able. It also improved my art, seeing as all I ever did was sit in the corner of a room and scribble things down on paper, almost obsessively. My notepad was taken away from me periodically by my teachers so I would pay attention in class, not that I did not have a desk to write on. I, of course, was not isolated or alienated artistically, though it was pretty close, excluding advertisements, books, films and television shows. Artistically, isolation is something to behold, as seen in Orson Scott Card's short story, Unaccompanied Sonata. The story's futuristic society kept artistic prodigies from looking at or hearing other peoples art, for fear it would influence them and make them unoriginal. I look at this and I appreciate this rule set in this futuristic society, as you can only express you feel if its from yourself, uninfluenced by others and their works. Its one of my favourite ideals or ideas about art, however, its not always true especially for myself...

I find that I am able to relate to Gregor Samsa in Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis. Gregor was overworked to the breaking point. He did not talk to his family, all he did was work and keep to himself, often hiding himself in his room, only coming out to eat. Once he reached his breaking point, he was no longer useful, and thus even more shunned from everybody than before. This isolation turned him into (whether metaphorically, mentally, or for real) an inferior, useless bug- the trash of the earth.I believe Kafka used the visual of a bug because that is how Kafka himself felt, being an extremely isolated man, and this book being something like an autobiography. When people shun you so, a bug is what you feel like. So, even with my confidence without confidence socially, I needed some help. Despite how horribly lonely my earlier years were, I was not always alone. I did have a friend or two off and on. In fact, I have had a few friends for quite a long time. We have had a few ups and downs and periods of not speaking, so only recently have I truly grown attached to these people to the point of being inseparable. These tight bonds I have created have morphed my unique mind into something even better. They have turned me into a confident, self reliant, able and overall stronger person.

I liked to sharpen my skills in peculiarity. I often did this by dressing oddly. Nobody ever talked to me or commented me unless I was dressed weird or acting outrageous. I liked this attention, sometimes, because it was all I ever got. Like "anyone" (anyone lived in a pretty how town, e.e. cummings), I was not appreciated. I was bouncy, bubbly, I 'sang my didn't and danced my did'. I tended to dress strangely, especially in seventh and to this day. I realized though that people always grouped in with people who looked or acted like themselves. Because of this, I also kept developing my weirdness so maybe one day, someone similar to my bizarre self would talk to me, and I would have a friend. It was like a flag. I looked forward to the day that person would finally come, too. This person was Rhiannon, the person who cared for me, my "no-one". She is a very long time friend, also the rockiest friend I have had, but probably one of the most worthwhile. She is a French-speaking, totally original, super opinionated self described 'lofty' artist. She was not always like this, though. She used to be a soccer player with a mouth full of punk rock and a head of fire engine red hair. The woman for me. Early in our friendship, we would do crazy things, such as go to see Hellboy and eat at Red Robins with her dressed as a psycho futuristic mis-matched bride and me as some sort of deformed dragon woman. She would drag me to fantasy conventions and throw me on the stage in full costume- I was Lulu from Final Fantasy X, her as Yuna from the same. Such big happenings really pushed me further into the world. It made me comfortable just dressing the way I wanted to for myself, not for others, and to be a weirdo and just not care what others had to say about it. She loved me. She loved my look and she still does. She gave me that confidence and made me feel like a much freer person. I was and am loved for my spirit and dynamic personality.

For as long as I can remember, I have also had an amazing long-distance (North Carolina) friend I like to call Muse. Her real name is JaLisa, and I can never really figure out whether or not I want to keep calling her what I always do, or by her real name...She says she does not mind, but it always makes me feel guilty. She is probably the best friend I have ever had. Ever since our Sonic the Hedgehog role plays in the depths of the Neopets website, we have been amazing friends. We have watched each other grow as writers and artists for over six years. For each other, we are inspiration to keep improving artistically, and we are emotional toilets. What I meant by that last part was that she lets me puke emotions and thoughts at her, and she is always willing to take it and help me, and she knows she is always welcome to do the same to me. She is someone I can always be honest with, someone I am always able to bounce ideas off of. I adore her with almost every ounce of passion in my being, that talented, wonderful person. While I have never met her in real life, I still have fond memories of us writing together on messengers, creating characters and creatures, and drawing together on internet art boards. Muse has truly honed my skills and made me realize just how much I adore art and has made me see beauty in many things I probably would never have before. I am loved for my creativity and my inner beauty.

The person who has probably altered me the most, however, is my dear friend Atticus, or, Atti. I have only known him for six months. Compared to the six years I had known my two best friends, this is pretty dainty, but it is astounding how influential he is, and he probably does not realize how much he actually has made me think. Having known him for such a short amount of time, I do not have too many memories of him. Falling asleep on the couch together, taking the metro for the first time, listening to him speak typography language as I laid on the bench in the McCleod Residence, watching him shake pathetically in the freakish Spring snow underneath his pink paisley umbrella, tackling and hugging him so hard that it scared the wits out of both of us. These are the things I think of when I think of Atticus, but its what we talk about that is most important. Some of it may have been me trying to impress, but he has given me a straw so I may drink from my mind and the depths of my soul. He has allowed me to really let myself get out and be who I am. He is a genius. An artist. An emotional, well-dressed, wonderful man with the best set of morales and ideas about life I have encountered. He has made me see things to adore in anything I probably would have been repulsed by previously. He has made me realize the importance of traits such as honesty and eloquence. He has shown me platonic love. He has made me unafraid of myself and my opinions. He has given me the self confidence boost I needed to become one hundred percent me. Best of all...He is the first person I ever believed when they said that I was gorgeous. I am weird and loved for ME.

Overall, since people did not like me, I had to work for what I wanted in life from an early age. I was not considered pretty, people would never help a person who repulsed them. I was not normal, people would not even consider helping someone they thought might be crazy. Aside from my loving parents, nobody was by my side to help me figure life out. I had to work, I had to think, I had to push away loneliness and conquer myself. I viewed the world as working against me. I could never figure out why nobody understood me, but my disadvantages in the social area always made me fight for the little guy, because that was what I understood. It empowered me and enabled me to speak out for the insects and the cats and the dogs and the other lonely, different kids nobody loved. My isolation has influenced me in the ways of independence and artistic style. The relationships I have had have only improved myself and has allowed me to accept who I am and the people around me. People were never beautiful- only horrible creatures that did not deserve my attention. But now, because of my relationships, I am accepting, appreciative, and I see the beauty in so many new things. The alienation and the relationships I have experienced have truly formed my views and way of thinking and acting- my whole being, my soul and everything I am and ever will be.

I could eat you up I really could

Soft, glittering smiles. Violently blushing dicentras. The pale meeting of voices in the willowing and weeping towns. Turtledoves in spring, broken wings in FALL. Down. Ground. Shattered souls, shattered wings, shattered spirit... Ahh but why do I care? Spelling it like that makes it sound so horribly gruesome. Gruesome, macabre, horrifying, terrifying! Cute, adorable, sweet, humble... As every day goes by... I'm so out of practice in the ways of 'dorable little creating life... I don't. Blushblush just inside of this door. Savory and sweet. Pent up secrets, things like clouds and giraffes in the trees and grass and pine in the cars. It's true. Ohh...where are you love? You know I'd do anything to please you. Pixelated romance, digital sweethearts, a treat. It's not the same...

I'm made of nonsense, ignore me.

_________________________________________________

Lots of crazy little feelings for so many people! Yeah. Oh dear, my dear, I'm going to go crazy without you. I can't help but think of you all the time. I guess things are different whenever you're the one that was left out and not the one doing the leaving. But now I feel a tad isolated again...Maybe not totally because of you, but probably totally because of you. You'll be sorry when I go crazy all over you. Also, your friend, seriously dear: everything she says is like the bloody bible. you need to take what she says with a grain of salt. Oh you're so beautiful... You truly are. You make me want to sing and dance, you make me want a duet. My turtledove, my sweet. I want to hold your hand in mine. I wish that would happen. I hate feeling so isolated. This whole year I've focused on you, and my other three...well, maybe my other two. One of you, oh my, I miss you honey. I feel like I've abused you. And you! You looking at me, I love you too, my little lamb, please come see me. Me me me, you need to calm the hell down! It's almost over, calm down, calm down its almost gone gone gone gone! Things always get better with time, much unlike my grammar and tendency to repeat words over and over again to make myself feel better. Why do I write like that? I miss you less and less as every day goes by... No, that's not true. That's a horrible lie. You're so wonderful, how could I ever forget and not miss your presence? My heart beats quickly when I catch even the slightest glimpse of you.

Someday I want to go absolutely batshit crazy on everybody. Perhaps walking down the halls of the school. Or something. Talking about Sweeney Todd again: the song Epiphany. I want to go crazy like that. I want to yell at people--FINISHED! Alright, you sir, how about a shave? Come and visit your good friend Sweeney. You sir, too sir? WELCOME TO THE GRAVE. I will have vengeance. I will have salvation. Who sir, you sir? No one's in the chair, COME ON, COME ON! Sweeney's. Waiting. I want you bleeders. You sir! Anybody! Gentlemen, now don't be shy.

Anyhoo, yeah, I want to do that. Go crazy. I want to be dressed up. I want to make some sort of mark. People will speak of the crazy senior. I'll probably end up in trouble, so I'll just do it when I'm a senior...
hh... Lookit that, a new layout. Delicious. It'll probably change back soon, but while I'm being obsessive, I guess we get a Sweeney Todd layout. Mmmmm look at that gorgeous man, I wanna tackle him. Haha, only kidding, I think? I don't get what my thing is with scary people like Sweeney or Mrs Lovett or Edward Scissorhands... Maybe it's just the clothes. Victorian clothes are my favourite you know. I often wish I could dress gothic lolita all the time... I truly adore those fashions. Maybe a bit of guro in there, too.



Well maybe that's not a good example of Victoranesque lolita clothing, but whatever, it's Mana and he's always beautiful.

Chickenwire Candy Store

I don't even know what that is supposed to mean. Awh well. This is a five minute blog anyhoo. It's flippin' five in the morning...Only two more weeks of this and then I don't have to do it anymore. Glory. Summer. Days of sun. Days of happy. Days of...being lazy. I do that all year, why the heck do I look forward to it? I'm not quite sure. I guess not having homework will be nice. I guess not having people around me all the time will be FANTASTIC... I guess having time to paint and be creative will be inspiring...
And you know, I hate being sick. I don't know who LIKES being sick, but whoever they are, they're bloody lunatics. Right now I can't sing worth crap. Not that I could sing super well in the first place, but now, EW. I can't really breathe right and my nose is all stuffed up still so I sound ridiculous. It's upsetting, seeing as I've been so full of song and romance lately. Upset. Upset upset.
I felt the need to cry last night, so I listened to Born Bad by Voltaire. That song, almost 80% of the time makes me bawl. It's such a sad song. I guess stuff about my mom is more sad than anything to me, I love her so much, and that song totally...Isn't how our relationship is, but it's still really upsetting and its like... Mwaaaa. Though some of the lines in it relate to other relationships I have, so its even more upsetting and brings up memories I don't want to remember for now...
But anyway, back to summer. Summer! Kids are always so excited for it. I never was back in elementary or middle school. I always loved school. I hated people, but I enjoyed the environment and I was a really good student. So I never really liked the thought of being away from it, plus, I always needed to be different and hating summer vacation was something that made me a little crazier apparently. But now that I have friends to be with, certain people to dislike, and being a horribl--...y busy art student with no art in her agenda, summer vacation sounds like...not such a bad idea.

Hah, who would have thought.

Sweet, BLOODY romance.

You know who I love?
Atti.
Love that boy to death.
I do.
Always willing to be there.
No matter what time of day I call he's there to lend an ear.
Able to tell me he loves me and mean it without any silly strings attached.
I called him out of boredom earlier,
I felt quite romantic having watched Sweeney Todd,
'es the only person so far that has understood and PREDICTED
that I'd feel so romantic and happy after watching that movie.
He says I'm very macabre, in a cute way,
and not many people can pull that off.
I love that kid.
I want to have him over for a beautiful music themed day in the summer.
I love him I love him.
Heeee...
WHY CAN'T ANY OF YOU PEOPLE BE THERE.
GEESH.
BE LAME WHY DON'T YOU.
I'm joking of course.
I love you too.
Though I'm depressed;
I can only hold real conversation with 3/4 of my top friends.
Mrawr Kelsey talk to me more you jerk town,
talk to me you spacing little brat, I love you so much.
Damn you Arthur and your able-ness to pull my heartstrings.
Damn you Mrs Lovett and your charming disposition
And your able-ness to make me speak in a British accent.
Thanks for that.
No I'm serious, I've been talking in a soft British accent all night.
Mwrr make it stop.
Anyhoo,
no, really.
That movie, that movie makes me feel so romantic!
I guess I'm gross that way.
I get a rush when Mr Todd throws Mrs Lovett into the chair,
and puts the knife to her throat.
I love the end of the movie.
I love when they dance together.
I love how angry and distant he looks whenever she is obviously being loving towards him.
When her I love yous aren't heard.
Why is this movie romantic to me?
So odd, it's not like I want an angry relationship.
Maybe I just want Mrs Lovett to myself.
Must be it.
What a gorgeous character.
Not that Mr Todd isn't extremely attractive and SEDUCTIVE as well.
I know if I were Mrs Lovett I'd be in love with Mr Todd too.
Ahhhhh beautiful romance, that movie makes me swoon...




EDIT:
WOW
HOOOLEEECRAP.
I went back and read my May posts... All of them...
What a freaking weird month!
Made of
metaphors,
thinking about society,
reflecting on myself,
wondering if I'll ever find a man attractive,
suddenly getting dumped and posting three sad posts,
then being back to normal and happy because I saw Atti!
What a freaking weird month. Weird.
This month should be better. <3